treading water, breathing fire

I have been accused of being too negative. I observe what's going on around me and laugh at it, deride it, poke holes in it, step on it. It's a deep-seated insecurity, I know. I KNOW. Like everyone else I want something to look forward to, something to inspire me. I judge constantly, but also judge myself and try to do better. I have described my crisis of confidence a bit; my ongoing internal dialogue continues to rise and fall, sway and turn, between seeking the positive and finding the negative. I have been accused of being too negative, and I have no excuse. However, I wonder: how can we discern the positive if we don't examine the negative? Besides, what does my personal disapproval of something I see as selfish, hypocritical, depressing, stupid or wrong have to do with anyone else's personal assessment? I guess a lot, if their personal assessment also uses my thoughts as part of the analysis.

I am going on 40 years old and I am still unsatisfied with life. Is that wrong? Maybe, if I don't work to discover a path that will help me do better... a couple of thoughts from my notebook this morning (I'm at the HOW Design Conference squirming with the constant contact of my own reflection):

"Millions of people are
smarter than you
and more clever
and
what does it get us?

Bitter determination to continue to try to be more clever next time?

TRY TO:
be smarter
more clever

BUT

try to
do something that matters"

That's what it comes down to: start with a purpose. What you do to be smart and clever beyond that is icing on the cake.